just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i jhust puked up my retainher.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
