He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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