So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
