He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
