The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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