I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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