It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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