I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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