Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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