Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
