Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
