i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
it glows. i had to have it.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
