We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
