I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
