I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
