my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
