Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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