He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
