3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We need to get me chipped asap
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
