I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Dating After Heartbreak
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days