I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?