ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home