my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
