Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
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I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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