You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
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