I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
