i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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