I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
