When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
As shirtless as possible
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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