I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
