Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Apparently you make a good broom.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
