i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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