i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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