yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
