I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
