Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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