Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
