Are we in a gay sports bar?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
