the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
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He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
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After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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