Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
