i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
