my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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