I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
