so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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