I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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