Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
