I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
