Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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