I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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