he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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