Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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