hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
