Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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