Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
