Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
