I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
