I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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