So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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