I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
