Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
