I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
