she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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