Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
love makes seman taste better
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
