Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
