A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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