so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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