It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
