Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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