I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I was not drunk enough for that final.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
