If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
