found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
