there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
