She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
