i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
