2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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