Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
my shit smells like andre
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I think I just sharted jello shots
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