her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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