The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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