Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
