physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
