That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
