I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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