This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
