i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We had to coat check the pizza.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
