Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
