Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
