Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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